that ONE YEAR AGO we took that long bumpy drive to Adama to meet our son at the widow and orphan home run by YWAM.

It was Easter weekend for us, Palm Sunday for Ethiopians.

None of us traveling together that day knew what to expect.

We were all so nervous.

All trying to guess what it would be like when we got there… to our children. After a year+ of hoping, waiting & praying.

Having seen only this picture.

We said yes to Obsa, without ever seeing his face. We said yes, knowing HE was ours. Although I ONLY wanted a girl, God made it beyond clear that Obsa was for us. This picture came about 4 hours after we said “yes..” and His new name ‘Caden’ a few hours after that.

Seriously, could he be any cuter?? Maybe its because I’m his mom.. but I think hes the cutest lil’ ethiopian bean out there!!

We celebrated by eating Ethiopian food with great friends

                                                               And He got word that he finally had a family that was coming for him!

So back to that looonnggg drive to Adama….We made it! And after a rather hysterical intro and quite a bit of confusion….we laid eyes on our son in person for the first time.

He has brought so much joy and a whole new kind of adventure to our lives! We are so, so, so glad he is here to stay. He has grown in big ways & he pretty much thinks having a family is the greatest thing ever. We kinda like him too.

Oh what a difference love and a family make……

The kid is on top of Matt, Koral and I any chance he can get. So just for fun, I took some video of how crazy he is.

This is going to be a downer. You have been warned….

so 2012 was kindof a really hard and sucky year for me.

I know I got Caden home and got to go on amazing trip to Taiwan, so maybe you think I shouldn’t say that. But I dont care. It just was.

It was very hard. I always try to put on a happy face and be the Me that everyone knows and expects. But really I am so totally worn.

Having to watch my Dad suffer and die so quickly from cancer STILL haunts me and at times I can’t catch my breath or steady my heart. I cant shake the images, the feelings, the smells or last words. I can hear the sound of his oxygen tanks clear as day. Seven months gone  & yet it feels like yesterday.

We traveled half way across the world twice and sadly I blocked most of the trip to get Caden home from my memory . It was r-o-u-g-h to say the least.

And I have been sicker than I ever have because it turns out, I am allergic to … North Carolina.

I kid well, kinda.

I am allergic to a whole lotta things around these parts and I haven’t been able to catch a break. Just keep getting sicker and sicker.

And sicker and sicker only makes raising 2 littles harder and harder. Im so worn out. So tired. It all seems too much most times.

BUT I know 2013 will be better. I am trusting and believing it will be. This song completely speaks to me and is real.

This was my 2012.

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I’m worn

So for some reason the other day I randomly remembered this letter I wrote to my Dad a long time ago.

**This is very personal! **

But I guess I wanted to share it for a lot of reasons. Sometimes it is very hard for parents to understand adoption. Not just my Dad, I actually read about it all the time. There are books and articles written on the subject and Ive had so many people tell me first hand how their family had a hard time accepting their decision to adopt. I also loved finding it because it reminded me again of my heart. It made me so excited to remember the passion behind the words and how they were not at all empty. It was a promise from God fulfilled in my life. Something I had wanted for as long as I can remember.

{{ a little back story }}

It was October 9th 2007. Matt and I had graduated our Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission in Vanuatu and I JUST got to North Carolina. My parents flew here with me, to drop me off because Matt had come earlier to start work. They stayed for a week to get me settled and before they left back home to Cali, a conversation in the car led me to timidly broach the subject of international adoption with my Dad for the first time. EVER. And like anytime you talked about doing anything not ‘normal,’ my Dad didn’t like the idea. I was used to arguing with him about everything because while we are a lot alike, its like we are not even from the same planet. So they left and we stayed to start our new life here in NC. We were living with my brother at the time in my nephews room above the garage. I remember God waking me up from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to write this email to my Dad. So I did just that. In the dark, all by myself. I didn’t even have to think – it was all there on the tip of my tongue.

{Its crazy to me that this was 2 years before Koral was born. I had no idea what my life would look like, and as you can tell from the last part of the letter – even I thought it would go differently than it has. But I am so grateful to the Lord for HIS plan, because it is SO FAR GREATER than my own.}

Just thought I would share this real and very personal letter to my Dad in the off chance it could in some way help someone else. I am glad I found it to reminisce on what God has done. I feel so blessed to have the privilege of raising these two sweet babes lacking absolutely nothing except my DNA. They are my most prized possessions and gifts that I feel so undeserving of. I love them with every fiber of my being and this letter helped me dwell upon the power of the Lord and what He is capable of bringing to fruition. What an amazing adventure this life is. Even in the everyday, mundane-ness as a stay at home mom. He is so good.  

Dad,                         
I know this may not be the best timing, but I just wanted to write you this note to say sorry for the other day in the car. I know that you and me dont see eye to eye too often, and we were talking about the sensitive subject of adopting kids from other nations. But because of the way the conversation was left, I want to say sorry to you. You most likely think that I said it to make you mad and there was no thought or reasoning behind it. But I want to tell you how I feel. So I hope that you know in your heart that this is not a brand new idea for me. You dont know this but I have wanted a black baby ever since I was about 12 years old. Just ask mom, that is the age I was when I told her for the first time. She can tell you that I have always wondered why. Thats not a very ”normal” thing for a 12 year old little white girl to want and dream about; but its true. And now that I am older, I have never forgotten it & always talked about it and I realized that God was putting the nations on my heart way back then. So now that I am nearing 25 I am realizing that the world is so much smaller than people think. And the purpose of life is not really that difficult. Its to love. Plain and simple. So what it really comes down to for me is this, if I have the chance to save a little girl from Cambodia or Thailand who would be sold into sex slavery at the tender age of 5, thrown in a camp or just plain killed because she was a girl.. I would try to do something about it. If I was able to turn in some flyer miles and step into a boys life whos parents were killed from aids and I could save him from a life of hunger and illiteracy, why would I not? Why Not give them a chance to show the world just why God created them? And if I was privileged enough to do that, I would not give a second thought to any  ignorant American who would glare at me. Because I would know that I am investing Life into children that would never have had the chance to know what a real childhood is supposed to be like. I could chose to live a ‘normal’ life in my rich country and get fat on the things of this world, or I could be the difference in someone’s life. Give them a chance at becoming something more. Showing them that the world can be good and that they can be loved and chosen. I know you say that its for them you are concerned…. I agree. You worry what they will go through because they do not look like us. I get it.
But Id rather her be teased than raped.
Id rather him be called names then contract aids.
The fact is … people are gonna be mean anyways….. its what they do. kids make fun. But at the end of the day.. what really matters??? Whether they have slanted eyes or dark skin? They are people. They deserve a chance not just to live..because they most likely could survive in the conditions of their country, but they deserve to live well, with a family that loves and adores them. I will be able to sleep at night knowing that I “Thought Outside the Box!!” Maybe not in the way that you thought it should be done, but my Father in heaven will say “Well Done,” because I cared for others no matter what it may have cost me. I really appreciate your advice. I DO!!! and I know you only care about me and are worried, but Matt and I have always been on the same page with this. Matt and I have prayed and talked about our family for the past two years. We want to break the mold that America tries to shove you in. We want to cut off the roots of prejudice from our family tree and start a new. We want it to be evident that when you meet our little family for the first time, you know that without a shadow of a doubt that we see through Race and color … we see people. Gods artwork. And if God put Matt and I together, how could we ignore something like this, if its something we both want? That doesnt make any sense. I am so sorry that that frustrates you. I promise I do not live to frustrate you or sit up at night and think of things to make you mad. Its just who I am. Its who God made me and its nothing you did wrong. I just want to make you proud, and I hate to think that I would be an embarrassment to  you, but I have to be who I am, or whats the point? I hope that you can adjust to the idea of what  Matt and I want to do in our lives. You have years and years to prepare for it. This is way down our road. WAY DOWN… but I can pretty much assure you that it will happen. My heart is big enough…. I just hope yours is. I love you forever..
~Sis

Yikes.

Some days I cant believe we have been home a whole three whole months and other days it seems like we have had our little bean here forever.

Caden is such a sweet boy. He has just settled in marvelously and is growing leaps and bounds.

He is such a little love and has fit right into this busy life style we got goin’ on at the moment. Koral is in pre school 3 days a week and its kind of exhausting! But he is just totally content being along for the ride of life. We have dropped him off at the church nursery now and he SCREAMS his head off for us. A very good sign in our minds that he knows who we are and does NOT want to be away from us. Then the second he sees me he drops whatever he is doing and crawls his lil tush as fast as he can to me.

He says DA-DA constantly, but we realized that it doesn mean Matt. It means everything. He loves to be held and then points to whatever he desires and expects you to comply with his demands. He is ALMOST walking. He has taken quite a bit of steps and is soooo proud of himself when he does. Of course we applaud and act like fools .. so He knows he is big stuff. He has his one tooth that is looking gigantic because it is the lone ranger in that big gummy mouth of his.

He is able to understand so much! He tells me ‘all done’ and ‘more’ in sign language. He’s got ‘NO’ down pat. He adores his sister and especially loves being in her room. He loves to make the silliest faces and is honestly a crack up. He is pretty much always happy. He started to throw himself backwards and slam his head if he is told no (which is a lot) but you can make him laugh and he easily forgets why he is upset. His laugh is amazing and very contagious.

I know he will be my easy child.

There is something about a boy! Having 5 brothers I obviously know they are different, but its so weird parenting them both. SO DIFFERENT. He cant just sit content at a table … he has to concur it. Climb on top of everything and get into everything. I had it easy with Koral in regards to she never put anything in her mouth, never got into any cabinets, never climbed, or demolished. I could leave out full boxes of crayons or markers without a single worry she would do anything destructive. He is just the complete opposite BUT it is so much easier to make him happy. Food, his BA-BA and some love solves even the worst of problems. He has already been to the doctor more times than Koral ever has for random stuff and had his first black eye from pulling down a frame on himself. He’s fallen from all the climbing he insists on doing more times than I can keep track of and is constantly slamming his fingers in drawers.  He has something in his mouth AT ALL TIMES.

like, at.all.times.

He has sensitive skin and we douse him in lotion pretty much all the time so his face wont dry up but honestly North Carolina hates me so maybe he will have allergies to this crazy place too. He has a constant slight cough too and breathes kinda loudly {still thinking it may be allergies.} So we call him Darth Vader. That is what he sounds like. He has his next doctors apt on monday so I will have them check again.

But overall he is doing great and we are so happy to have him in our lives!! His sweet spirit and loveable personality bring so much joy to our family and it feels like he has always been here. I have a feeling he is going to be really sad while I am away in Taiwan for a week. But we will skype regularly and Matt will be here with them. Sometimes I cant believe the chapter of finally getting him home is closed because it was such a long journey – but here we are.

Now just on to living life, watching him grow and learning to be the little brother……

for now

Here are some pictures of the last 3 months…. enjoy!

Hey!!! Its me! …. Lisa.

Lisa Maxfield.

Remembeeeer, I adopted a sweet little boy from Ethiopia ??? Ringing any bells?

Yeah. I’m sorry, I know its been forever! And I am not promising to blog regularly. I most likely wont. We are far too busy living life with two crazy sweet kiddos, BUT I wanted to put my two sense in about some things that have been bugging me.

Lately I have read SO many blogs from so many people about adoption. I shouldn’t say ‘lately’ cause’ its been a good year of crazy behavior on my part. Its what I do now … I blog stalk. Probably too much. And I’m starting to think I need to quit it. Cold turkey! I don’t think it is healthy for me. You see, Everyone has a different opinion. Everyone has something to say. Everyone has some mind blowing revelation and wants to be “Blog Famous.” I get it. I too, LOVE to see how many blog views I get or check my stats and think… “They like me, They REALLY like me!” Buttttt….. I’m not so sure I like what the massive adoption community I now am engulfed in has to offer all of the time.

{insert an eye roll with a sassy head twitch and say to yourself, SELF: “…is SHE about to complain about what people blog about and yet SHE is going to give her own opinion, which is EXACTLY what SHE is complaining about?}

Yes. You would probably be right. I am THAT nuts. Anyone who knows me will attest.

You see, I NEVER did this 3 years ago. When we adopted Koral I was, for all intensive purposes, alone. I had no real adoption community around me and knew nothing of adoption. I personally knew one couple who adopted internationally. Just ONE. {If you are reading this, Hi Teddy and Robin!} And I seemed to do a lot better back then with just being able to live life as a mom. It seemed so easy. No pressure.

But to be honest, now I find myself having way more problems than I ever did before. I am reading about all sorts of crazy issues which is making me ‘think’ I need to be/feel the same way. I need to  jump on this ban wagon or believe this certain something JUST because the rest of the adoption world is up in arms about it. It could be anything really. Skin color, age, hair, nationality, circumstance, or even what dolls are on sale over others in a store!  Any subject you can think of, you can bet its out there. And someone has a big opinion about it and most of the time will somehow put a God spin on it to make it sound even more convincing or holy.

Ok. So before you stop reading, DE-friend me on facebook and start spreading a vicious rumor that I hate life, adoption and God, just know I believe Everyone IS entitled to their own opinion. BUT whether I believe that opinion personally or base my life or my thinking on it will be an entirely different matter. Everyone has their own journey and their own REASONS for adoption. That’s all that I wanted to highlight in this little ‘Blog Rant’ I got goin’ on. Take it for what its worth or don’t take it at all. That’s the good thing about blogs. I’m learning, you don’t have to read all of them.

Another thing that really bothers me lately is the “Why Adoption” aspect of it all. I feel like so many people now are taking this high road, up on their high horse, to their beautiful house on their big ol’ hill. {can you feel the sarcasm?} I’m not trying to offend everyone and be a brat. Just hear me out. Adoption is getting HUGE. At least here it seems to be. THAT’S AMAZING. And because of all the celebrities getting in on the awesomeness called adoption, it is even becoming, dare I say … trendy! Now I am not a trend follower. Nope. If its super trendy, you can bet I would do the opposite. I like to go against the grain. But THIS is one trend, that I would not mind at all that I am a part of.  Adoption is such a gift. A gift that I truly wish everyone could experience. But It comes from tragedy. In a perfect word, adoption wouldn’t even exist. Families wouldn’t be broken. Adoption is redemption. Its a chance for a child to have a family and for a normal, undeserving, everyday sinner like me to get to be a mom! And that is exactly what it was for us. We wanted to be parents!! We wanted this without going through the ups and downs of uncertain fertility treatments and throwing thousands upon thousands of dollars away on the chance of something – when there are children everywhere in need of loving homes. Period. It wasn’t super Holy. Of course we prayed about it. We said we wanted to adopt before we even got married. It was in our plan. Before we even had a plan. We just thought it would be later. We literally cried out to the Lord in 2009 and asked him to please let us be able to give a child from Vanuatu our home. And it worked out marvelously. I didn’t rescue my daughter, she in fact rescued me. She made me a mommy and made all my dreams come true. I didn’t do something for God that He needed, He did something that I needed. I’m not a hero. I am so undeserving of the 2 blessings He has given me. But I am grateful everyday for them.

By reading all the blogs I do, mostly written by God loving people, they ALL seem to scream the same message to me that we all adopt because:

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.” Ephesians 1:5    OR   “For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.” Romans 8:14-16

Of course I am not saying that that isn’t truth!!  It’s God’s word, of COURSE its absolute truth! We are adopted by God and made sons and daughters of the most high. He saved us from a most certain death which is what we all, as sinners, deserve. And I’m not ‘mad’ at people who say that that is the reason they adopted. If that is WHY they are adopting – that is GREAT! I just feel like there can be many reasons why someone chooses adoption. And one reason is not more righteous than another. I’m glad that people are choosing adoption whatever their reasons may be. Its just not a scripted answer for everyone and no one sits closer to God because of their reason.

So I just wanna say on behalf of us and maybe if there is anyone else in the world like us {because sometimes I feel like the only one willing to admit it} We adopted because we wanted a family. It has never seemed weird or abnormal or second choice. It is just the way in which we got to be a family. And now I am aware of the orphan and I am aware of how BIG the need is. That came second.

This blog post really has no other purpose than me feeling like I’m going to scream most days lately, so I wrote about it. So annoying right? I truly feel like I may have been caught up with worrying too much about things that truly just don’t matter. I want to go back to the simplicity of life just being a mom to my 2 amazing kids. No matter what color they are, I am, why we chose to adopt, what I’m doing to their hair or using on it, what dolls should be bought or what kinds of kids are pictured on their clothes. I just want us all to do our best to love the world we have been placed in and love the people in it. I want to stop listening to others who seem to know so much and JUST LISTEN TO MY KING. Life is so much more than what we make it. We live in a broken and sad place with people everywhere around us hurting. They may not understand adoption. They may say mean things. They may be completely ignorant. But I am doing my best as a mom. I am doing the exact job that God ordained for me to be doing. I am able because He lives in me. I am who my kids will look to and instead of reading all sorts of blogs telling me what injustice I should be upset about or how I should respond to Gap selling NO SHIRTS with little black girls on them, I need to make sure to JUST be their mom. I wish we could all just focus on being the parents we need to be for our kids. That is what they need. Because they are watching us…very, very closely. Of course the world will be the world. Racism does exist and I will do my very best to protect my children from it, but most importantly I will teach them that God made us ALL IN HIS IMAGE. Lets all try to change the world by loving people, giving grace and trusting the Lord to bring to completion what He started in us and our adoptions. We live in a fallen world where we all sin and struggle and hurt each other. But that is why we spread the gospel. We share the good news that THIS isn’t it!! This world isn’t our home! A perfect place waits for us when you place your trust and hope in Jesus Christ.

All that being said I need to say, I LOVE the adoption community. It may be hard to believe me now, but I do! I so appreciate all the love and support that I have in the other moms that are blessed to walk the journey of adoption along side me. They are dear, sweet friends that I wouldn’t trade for the world. They get it. They get me. They get what I go through on a daily basis because they to live it. It is VERY sad that most of these special ladies in my life are very geographically far away from me, but I am making valiant efforts to meet more for myself and my children. The support we all need is almost constant. I have said before it is not for the faint of heart and I mean that with every fiber of my being. Having children that in no way resemble you makes every single outing an interesting one.

SO yeah, I said that I hate when people have crazy opinions and then blog about it and then I read it and feel bad like I am doing or feeling something wrong and I completely JUST did that. I know, I know. I’m a complete oxymoron and I write a lot of run on sentences. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ THIS…..

And what would a blog post be without the cute picture of kids that you scroll down just to find……

{ I will post soon about sweet Caden and how he is doing }

Ps. No one was harmed in the writing of this blog post. It was not aimed at anyone in particular but just a compilation of feelings that Ive gathered from reading the 1000 blogs that I do. Sorry if I stepped on toes or ruffled some feathers. A personal journal, made public on the world wide web, is probably not a very good thing all of the time. But on the flip side. There are so many blogs that are good and kind and very very helpful. Maybe I just need to be more selective.

We are still here. Alive and well.

I am creeping out from under the rock Ive been hiding under.  Ive been in a fog of not knowing what in the world to blog about because life has just seemed so insane. I wouldn’t want to discourage anyone from doing crazy things for Christ, such as adopting, but in the past month it has been so hard to find any joy.

(*gasp*I KNOW. This isn’t because of adoption… but I’ve learned when you say YES to God, absolute craziness most of the time ensues)

So instead, I went with the old “If you don’t have anything nice to say…….”

you get the picture.

But we are fine. Life is going. Its far from the life I knew 6 months ago. Its a new normal, and I am trying to navigate it. Learn it. And make myself like to live in it.

I am definitely NOT giving myself grace. I feel like even now that we have a month under our belt, we should be “normal.” {whatever that is}

We should be right?? Well,  I’m starting to finally give myself the grace we deserve, but more importantly need, and say NO! I don’t think so. I think this is going to take A LOT more time than I thought.  Caden is now in his 4th home transfer. (And LAST, Praise God!) I said all the while before getting him home, we would do the cocooning ‘thing’ for a month, then we would be all better. Back to normal. Fine and dandy.

But we are hitting the breaks folks. I need to do a little rewind, even if it is just for myself.

Let’s not forget…

I JUST lost my Dad. Forever, here on earth, he’s gone. And it sucks. It seems that everyone, including myself seems to blow past that small detail. But its a reality that I struggle with still every.single.day. And it is huge. I lost a parent. A strong force, that throughout my whole life that has just always been there .. And its just awful. I still cry at least once every day. It STILL doesn’t even seem real.  And it just happened to be that immediately after he died, I was whisked away on a plane half way across the world to inherit a dear, sweet one year old.

I’m going to spare all the gory details of what happened and what I felt because not only would it make people think I stopped believing in God but I have tried to block it out of my mind, like a woman may do after labor but worse cause my dad died on top of it.

It wasn’t pretty.  And It makes me even more grateful for my wonderful husband cause’ I had quite the few breakdowns. *example* On the first of many plane rides home I dug my nails into his arm while angry, hot tears streamed down my face and I told him to leave me in Germany cause’ I wouldn’t get on ANOTHER plane. I wasn’t going to do it. I would get a house and make a home in Germany. I would learn German and he could ship me my stuff. I was done.

We obviously made it home. I still love God. I still love my babies and the choice to be a mother. But we just need time. Time to get used to this new life. Caden still needs time with us to KNOW he can trust us not to eventually leave him like everyone else. He spent one year of his life split between 3 homes. So One Month and were ‘all good’ doesn’t even make sense for him. He spent more time in the different homes than he has been with us! We realized shortly after being home that we aren’t going to be dropping him off anywhere with anyone for a looong time. We will most likely one day have my mom or matt’s mom come here to watch them so we can grab food alone, but we are not going to be leaving him with strangers or in a strange place. So, no church nursery, no small group, no babysittin’. And no matter how easy he has been for us or no matter what a good baby he is, he still needs to know who we are, and trust that we love him and aren’t leaving him, EVER.  Not to mention the poor thing has been sick for a while. He is so good tempered I may not have known it, but still.

And Im serious. Don’t even get me started on my daughter. God love her. We need prayer. Im learning its a process and that’s ok. Were working on it.

All in all, after the month, we have been better than when we first got home. Not trying to be a total drama queen here. Life has seemed more normal and I don’t feel nearly as overwhelmed. We have gotten past being very sick, jet lagged and exhausted! [well life with 2 kids is more exhausting than life with one, but that's to be expected]

We still love all our friends and our support system…. we wouldn’t be here without you!! We are so grateful for the people in our life and to the Lord for all his blessing. He is amazing me every day and I am in awe of his greatness. Its overwhelming how much he takes care of us. Even when we don’t deserve Him to even look at us. He still calls us Good! I just don’t get that. But I am sooooo grateful for it.

There is so much changing in our lives. We still need lots of prayer. I know we are home with him now, but that’s not the end. This is when it all really starts.

PARENTING. {shudder}

We need direction, guidance, grace and understanding. In a very short time I have endured a lot of trauma. Its not going to be normal after just one month. But I am ok admitting that now. Hope you are all ok hearing it.

Life is different.

And that’s ok…

Ever since we found out about Caden, when he was only a teeny tiny 5 months old .. we just kept saying we wanted him HOME by his first birthday!! I was, of course, hopinggg he would be home way sooner than that but we made it right in the nick of time! God gave us that.

Here we are. Home.

And our little guy is 1 today !!!!

Thank you Jesus for all the little things that you pay attention to. You know all the small details our hearts desire and you made this happen for us. We are so grateful.

The days home have been actually VERY tough. Don’t let Facebook or Instagram fool you…while my kids are the cutest on the planet, and take amazing pictures; life hasn’t been all rainbows and unicorns. We have been struggling.

Caden is doing great!! He’s so cute and full of life, laughter and happiness. He truly is adjusting SO WELL. He is a ‘piece of cake.’ (He is CONSTANTLY pooing and that gets really annoying and yucky but we are hoping to hear at his doc apt. this wed what kind of parasites he has and get him on meds to get rid of them) But really, He is just a sweet lil guy, coasting along and loving being home. He now responds to his name, claps, blows kisses, pretends to talk on the phone, waves Hi and Bye, and smiles and laughs ALL.THE.TIME.

Koral on the other hand …………………………………

Well, Ill just say, we are having some BIG challenges and “what did we do” type moments. She could really use your prayers and I am so grateful for this time of cocooning not for Him as much as I thought, but for her!!!

We love our little girl soooooo much that its just killing us to be dealing with her having such a hard time. And with the lack of sleep (cause of her, not Caden) We are just emotionally and physically so exhausted. We need so much grace for her and each other. Please pray for us if you think about it. We could use it.

But today, we are celebrating our little man turning 1. Normally .. this is a big deal. You throw a huge party with a ton of people. One is a big milestone. We are keeping it very low key, but I had to have pictures of him getting a ‘real” birthday

We are so glad He is home with us, He brings a lot of joy and I know that as soon as Koral adjusts…life will be a lot better. She is a great big sis and I am so glad they have each other. He fits right in.

Happy Birthday Caden.

Your family LOVES you so much Here are a few pics of his special day.

I really LOVE to travel. I love being out of the country and I love being surrounded by culture. I love the adventure.

But this time… I COULDN’T WAIT to get home!!

Im not sure what it was, or literally just EVERYTHING, but from the second we got Caden the day we got there, I was ready to turn myself right around and come home!

Maybe it was to actually start life … because it feels like you are just in limbo for so long.

I also just keep saying out loud to Matt, I cant believe its over ! ! ! After 1 year and 27 days of waiting, our son is home for good!

It feels like we were gone for a month and I feel like Ive been hit by a mac truck. We were holding our kids for 30+ hours in confined spaces and our bodies are in desperate need of repair and rest.

Now that we are home, Caden is soooooo happy. His little physical wounds are healing, and his cough is getting better and better. He sleeps GREAT and he LOVES his family. He is as cute as can be with the softest little spirit. He loves his bath time and the kid can eat…he probably eats better than Koral. He loves him some Peek-A-Boo and any time his big Sis is in the room, he lights up, claps and screams happy screams. Its seriously too cute.

Koral is overall doing very well. I am so proud of her for what she has gone through, she really has been a champ. She has moments of extreme jealousy and major fits. We are trying to give as much grace as possible to reassure her of her place in our family and just give her some time as we are ALL adjusting to having this new little one in our house. MOST of the time, she absolutely adores him… she is a little mommy and I am so so so excited she finally has a tangible sibling in the house!!

We couldn’t have done anything without all the love, support and prayers from all of you loved ones. It has LITERALLY kept me going and I mean that with everything in me. I had more than a few breakdowns. There were lots of tears shed. I wasn’t always pleasant but we made it through together. God sustained me and I kept His promises on my lips when I felt that I couldn’t go another minute. I literally had to speak them out loud to myself on that last leg home. He got us through, He brought us home.

Now we can start real life.

So far, there is a lot of sleeping going on around here. I am about to follow Caden’s lead.

I will try and blog about our time in Ethiopia soon-ish.

Thanks to my friend Georgeanna… this cup she let me borrow became our LIFE SAVER in Ethiopia. The kid wants it at all times and even sleeps with it. It was the ONLY thing that made him stop crying. Ever. I already broke the news to her her I’m keeping it

Night Night.